


Null Error AU

by friendlytroll



Category: Half-Life VR but the AI is Self-Aware - Fandom
Genre: Boss Gordon AU, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Null Value AU, bubby content, good dad gman
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:20:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24657484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/friendlytroll/pseuds/friendlytroll
Summary: “Warning: BossValue!Null Error”“Huh. That’s new.”----So sometimes you sit down with your pals and think "Hey, what would it even LOOK like if Gordon was the boss at the end of Half Life VR But the AI is Self Aware, by Wayneradiotv and Pals?" and then you kick it around intoa really cool designand then Whoops A Whole AU because.Hey. Wouldn't it be kind of fucked up if Gordon was the final boss? And it's really glitchy, because he's not supposed to be the boss? But man. What if that happened because him and Benry and Tommy were *already friends*?...And then it kind of becomes a set of drawings my pal in crime facefullabugs and then a whole damn lil comic that I wrote and they drew because we really like hurt comfort, and then I decided to write some short fics that go with/fill in the comic bits, and then hey I should prob. Put them. Somewhere people can find, huh.So that's here.Chin on hand. Hey. Y'all like some Terrible Shit Happening but Ultimately People Are Mostly OK And also a Rad Comic you mighta seen on Tumblr or Twitter?gestures u in
Relationships: Benrey/Tommy Coolatta/Gordon Freeman, Bubby/Dr. Coomer (Half-Life), Bubby/Dr. Coomer/Gman Coolatta, Tommy Coolatta & Gman
Comments: 44
Kudos: 706





	1. Index

**Author's Note:**

> Slaps my hands down on the table. Okay. Let's break this down real quick, because multimedia stories are hella rad but also require kind of an index table. So that's what this first chapter is ✌️✨. But a lil pre-amble first! 
> 
> This story started as a series of drawings by my pal Bugs!! Whos work can be found on twitter @bugdraws, or at [goosterbold.tumblr.com](goosterbold.tumblr.com)
> 
> which is where just a lot of links are going to go for this bad boy. My ideas, Bugs' radass drawings, me doin dialogue, bugs makin' a comic that knocks me off my feet. basically this whole story is just us slinging the Good Hurty Ideas at each other bc that's what pals do. It's the dueling pianos in Rodger Rabbit, but with hurt/comfort. 
> 
> ...and also the Let Gman Be A Good Dad Agenda.

**[Boss Gordon Designs: The Start of the Null Value Error AU](https://goosterbold.tumblr.com/post/620161041168515072/so-this-is-kind-of-like-out-there-but) **

_The air crackles with the H.E.V suits chatter, phrases cut out of order, repeating and layering over and over. This wasn't supposed to happen._

[ **Lead Up to the Big Show: Null Value Error Occours** ](https://goosterbold.tumblr.com/post/620161202404966400/lead-up-2-da-big-show-thank-you-friendlytroll)

_After everything, somehow, at the very heart of Xen... there was nothing. And gordon can't help but give his boyfriend a lil shit for being so nervous about it._

**On Loving Humans: After the Big Fight**

_The Gman checks in on his son, and the cargo his employers must be dearly missing._

[Part 1](https://goosterbold.tumblr.com/post/620386446737555456/on-loving-humans-written-by-friendlytroll-a)

[Part 2](https://goosterbold.tumblr.com/post/620418755161473024/on-loving-humans-part-2-previousnext-written)

[Part 3](https://goosterbold.tumblr.com/post/620474672005480448/on-loving-humans-written-by-friendlytroll-part)

[Part 4](https://goosterbold.tumblr.com/post/620498143647268864/on-loving-humans-written-by-friendlytroll-44)

-Note, it'll take me like five min to put up the other chapters, hang tight. 


	2. On Loving Humans, Addendum 1: The Gman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted attached to [Page 1 of On Loving Humans](https://goosterbold.tumblr.com/post/620386446737555456/on-loving-humans-written-by-friendlytroll-a)
> 
> Time: Somewhat just after Tommy brings Gordon to the Gman.

The entity that for earthly convenience had been named The G-Man (by those humans whose eyes were Elsewhere), otherwise known as Gman Coolatta, was not particularly used to _surprises_ in his field of work. For him, the rails of the world were as apparent to watch and follow as any human would find the path of… well. _Ants_ were the kind of comparison his son found distasteful. 

But he had already been… if not surprised, then disappointed, when his son refused to evacuate Black Mesa. And then again, far later, when the entity that called it’s self _Benry_ had just. Casually. _Interrupted_ his conversation with Dr. Freeman. 

Perhaps he had known then, really. He must have been able to see something had gone awry. But not simply because of the ‘Benry’ and his presence, as disconcerting as it had been. 

It had been Gordon Freeman’s reaction to him. Surprise, certainly. But. _Delight_. Relief. Assurance. The phrase… “weird motherfucker” may have been used towards him, certainly. 

But it had left a nagging feeling in him. Still. Mr. Freeman’s.. unpredictable behavior was part of what made him a valuable assets. He had, foolishly, told himself it would not be enough to change the paths of fate. He would wait. He would watch. And he would collect his cargo. 

Well. 

He had done the best he could, when Tommy pleaded for his help. But there was, he found, no rolling back the clock. And it would take time to stabilize Mr. Freeman. His supervisors would not be happy with him, but. Well. 

He had always had a fondness, for those that survived impossible odds. And besides. 

It _was_ his Tommy’s birthday. 

[Page 1 of On Loving humans](https://goosterbold.tumblr.com/post/620386446737555456/on-loving-humans-written-by-friendlytroll-a)


	3. Lead up to the Big Show Addendum: Unskippable Boss Fight Intro

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted attached to "[lead up 2 da big show](https://goosterbold.tumblr.com/post/620161202404966400/lead-up-2-da-big-show-thank-you-friendlytroll)"
> 
> Time: Just as Null!Value Error is tripped. 

Benry had been nervous, just about as soon as they’d gotten to Xen. At first, Gordon had thought it was kind of funny. After all, as long as he’d known the guy, he was basically _impossible_ to rattle him. Or. Openly, anyways. Privately, gordon knew Benry felt more then he let on, he was just… one of those guys. Like, whatever. Gordon couldn’t keep his shit together. Benry kept his too tight. They gave each other shit about it, but… 

It’d actually helped him stay. Sort of grounded. The world was going to hell, but Benry was there doing his dumb BS. Tommy was being sweet and strange and worried about the Rules. He had his… his people. 

Okay so Benry. Dying. Or. “Dying”. Had been. Not fun. Woulda liked a little heads up on that. But it could wait till they all got home. Benry didn’t seem bothered, anyways. 

…But Xen. Xen… seemed to. Get to him. Benry had gotten kind of. Squirrely. More then usual. Like he was waiting for something- which. It was kind of the finish line. And Benry was still hhhuuuuu…. … . Benry was still. Just. A guy. So Gordon had just.. done his best to keep an eye on him, tagging in Tommy a few times when stuff got heavy. 

So he really couldn’t help laughing a bit when they got to the last fuckin’. Big. Whatever. And there was just… nothing. 

> **“Warning: BossValue!Null Error”**
> 
> “Huh. That’s new.”

Gordon blinked as he looked down at his suit, tapping it. He began to open his mouth, to say something else- remark on how he could have sworn he’d turned the stupid voice system down on the suit weeks ago- but he never got the chance to say more. Not before he hissed and clapsed a hand to his face over one eye, nearly doubling over.   
  
“Owww, *shit*…. fuuuck I shoulda worn my glasses, Im getting. The fucking WORST migraine, you guys.” he hissed, taking in slow breaths. Benry inhaled sharply and put an arm around him, supporting Gordon. It helped. 

For just a second. 

“Want to use mine? I think we have the same prescription, gordon!” Bubby said, stepping a little closer.   
  
“Yeah… fuck, maybe that’s a good idea.. thanks, Bubby.” he said, trying to haul upright. He didn’t want to worry everybody. Tommy and Benry especially. Benry still had an arm around him, and Tommy was hovering nearbye, clearly distressed if he should try to help, or give Gordon space. Even coomer was at Benry’s side, looking all fuckin. Tense. He drew his hand away from his head, chuckling. 

“Jesus, we make it like. All the way here and I get taken out by a *headache*… cmon guys. I’ll be o-” 

And then. His voice just. Stopped. He blinked, looking down at his hand as he kept trying to finish his word over and over again, like trying to start a car. Something *black* was smeared against his palm, liquid and impossibly flat. 

The HEV suit erupted with noise, screeching with electronics as something tore inside it, and the black liquid slowly falling from gordons face even as it boiled away into steam hit the ground and the ground

 _Rippled_. Like water. 

And the last thing Gordon saw before he was dragged under was Coomer yanking both Benry and Tommy away from him. 

—-

“Now, now, I understand why you’re both upset-” Dr. Coomer said, surprisingly calmly for a man facing down a threat of Benry and Tommys magnitudes. But he held tight even as Tommy struggled, watching the strange, rippling ground. 

“MR FREEMAN! Mr. FREEMAN! ….GORDOOOOON!” Tommy howled, eyes flashing black in the light- or. Dr. Coomer thought, MAYBE because of the light. Benry was calmer, relatively, but almost shaking, and had turned to grab Coomers shirt in turn. 

“WHY DIDN’T YOU TAKE THE BAD FIGHT.” Benry demanded, voice distorting inhumanly. Coomer stayed firm. 

“…I tried to talk to him. I thought- I thought it might just-” Coomer started to explain before the air. Tore. With sound. 

And it- Gordon- erupted, fangs first. The noise was hellish, alarm sirens and cracking, and under it all… 

“ **Warning: Danger Critical Seek Evacuate.”**

Under it all. You could still hear just the faintest echo of Gordon’s voice. 


	4. On Loving Humans, Addendum 2: Bubby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted attached to [Page 2 of On Loving Humans](Originally%20posted%20attached%20to%20Page%202%20of%20On%20Loving%20Humans)
> 
> Time: Just after the events of On Loving Humans.

Bubby _liked_ sleeping.

He didn’t, strictly, *need* to, anymore. One of those fun little Black Mesa suprises, he supposed. You’d think after a man had been reduced to a semi-proverbial liquid and rebuilt in the name of science could have gotten, like. A hot _heads up_ about the side effects, but whatever. Fucking whatever!

Black _fucking_ Mesa!!!

So, sure, maybe he didn’t neeeeeed to fucking sleep, but he still felt pissed as hell about still being awake at 5 AM. And even if he didn’t neeeeed caffeine, he was still holding a cup of coffee in one hand and a red bull in the other and considering just fucking letting it _rip_. Why not? God was either dead or Bubby would kill him himself!

The door open just as he began to tilt the red bull towards the coffee, delaying but not _preventing_ his sinful hands. He tisked a little, looking up in annoyance.

“Hello, Mr. Coolatta!” Coomer chirped, smiling brightly.

For all Bubby found the lab space a little lacking, he had to admit the Coolatta household was a pretty calming joint to hang out in while they recovered, and tried to… generally un-fuck Gordon Freeman from whatever the _living hell_ had happened back there. Admittedly, it was a. Strange. Building. It was an unusually *large* house, and it’s decor sense was. Kind of a.

…Like. Somewhere between ‘obvious ex frat boy’ and ‘Nickelodeon vibes’, with a solid two shots of Spy Kids. Like there was a surfboard trophy in the foyer, the kitchen was mostly brightass primary colors, he had a pool in the shape of Sunkists head, and Bubby was like 99% sure if he pulled the right lever, he’d find a waterslide. No dice yet. Hell, even the chalkboard he and Dr. Coomer were working on had a remarkable variety of chalk colors. Frankly, good. White chalk was boring. Big houses usually sucked and were decorated with all the compassion of someone asking to talk to the manager because their table wobbled.

But it did confirm something he already knew. “Mr. Coolatta” was a hell of a sucker for his little boy.

“Dr. Coomer. Professor. Bubby.” the Gman said in that. Weird. Smooth. Jerky-ass way. The man sounded like someone who didn’t drive stick trying to park. Less a problem with english, Bubby had quietly decided, and more an issue with *auditory language*.

“It’s *Doctor*.” he corrected, tipping the red bull into his coffee with a haunting *fizz*.

“Doctor.” the Gman corrected himself amiably.

“Professor!” Dr. Coomer brightly interjected, before an empty red bull can bounced right the fuck off his domepiece.

The Gman cleared his throat, adjusting his tie as Coomer socked Bubby in the shoulder, seeming to be. Letting them… finish.

“How’s Tommy holding up?” Bubby asked as he rubbed his shoulder, annoyed at the sting. The man punched like a racecar accident.

“…Better then I expected… yet more injured then I had hoped. He is not a man. Accustomed. To having things he can still *lose*.” the Gman explained, shutting the lab door behind him. Dr. Coomer nodded thoughtfully, resting a hand against his chin.

“Ahhh, yes. Well, he’s about at that age, isn’t he? I think every scientist has that time in their life.” Dr. Coomer said sorrowfully. Bubby, sipping his Horrid Brew, nodded a little in absent agreement. 

“Besides, Gordon really gave us quite the scare!” Coomer chirped, turning back to the chalkboard to scribble a few more lines of… something. Equations? Coding? They were both sort of taking different angles. 

“Mm. So he did. Even I was… startled.” the Gman said, turning his head back, and then to the side, to look at Bubby from a strange, uncomfortable angle. 

“You didn’t ask. How Gordon was doing.” he said, black eyes staring directly at Bubby. 

Bubby did nothing more then raise an eyebrow, and set his mug down. 

“That’s right. Capital observation skills, you Fed bitch. I didn’t *ask* because he’s doing god damned AWFUL. What information am I supposed to get back?” Bubby asked, raising his hand to mimic adjusting a tie, waggling his head from side to side. 

“Mr. Freeman continues to be just all jacked up to shit, and we don’t have any idea why, let alone how to fix it.” he said with an exaggerated smug tone, before turning to walk towards him, step by deliberate step.

“See? See how fucking stupid that sounds? Now either tell us something USEFUL or take your smug, hot ass OUT of this *god damned* LAB you spook-” he railed, jabbing a finger out as he drew close to actually poke him in the chest, anger rising. Oh, he’d seen him around Black Mesa before. He didn’t trust him yet- or maybe he was just mad, and wanted to see if he could make the suit snap.

“…Dr. Bubby. I assure you. I am here with every intention of telling you. As much as. I am… permitted to say.” the Gman said, staring down at him with- well fucking some kind of expression, Bubby couldn’t read him for shit. 

“ _PERMITTED TO SAY?_ Oh, WOW. Is it _MY_ BIRTHDAYTOO? Shove your shady little half-statements up your ASS. YOU were who got him THIS stable! If you know what’s going on, TELL US!” Bubby demanded, switching from just pointing to actually grabbing his shirt. 

“ _I will choose to **overlook** your agitation_.” the Gman had just a faint touch of snarl in his voice now, eyes narrowing. “Given the _state_ of the situation. But I, despite. What you may. Have ASSUMED. Do not know what has happened. If I could fix him-” The GMan stopped, then. Actually stopped. Not just creepy paused, or hitched, or translated some unearthly thought beam into words. He paused. And Bubby stayed quiet, just to see. Just to see what he had to say. 

“…It is. Tommy’s birthday. Or was. And all. I could do. Was ensure the man he begged me to save. Who has endured so much, and somehow clung to survival. Did not degrade further. The most. _Surface level_. Repairs. That is all the proof I can. Offer.“ he said finally. 

Bubby sucked in air through his teeth, glaring up at him still… and finally let go of his shirt, head falling forward a moment. 

Coomers hand settling on his back wasn’t unexpected, but it was appreciated. Even if he didn’t deserve it. Not when a significant amount of the damage they couldn’t fix was _his damn fault_. And yet here HE stood, out of black mesa, under the open sky, while GORDON was… Bubby clenched his teeth a little, and tried to breath. 

…The _other_ hand that awkwardly patted his shoulder with the grace and urgency of a semi truck backing up, on the other hand, was pretty damn unexpected. But it. Let him take a deep breath. 

“… _could_ you do more? If we can- no. What do we need to do. So that you could do more.” Bubby said after a moment, lifting his head and taking his glasses off, whipping a polishing cloth out of his pocket to try to discreetly wipe a little moisture off them. 

“…There is. No turning back the clock completely. I regret to say.” The Gman admitted, pulling his hand back and, bubby noticed even with blurry vision, averted his head politely. Coomer was still absently stroking his back, which could have been either affection or a looping animation. 

“The… form. He had. Before was… re-structured most. _Thoroughly_. Yet. Inelegantly. Reality is rejecting him. But. Also. The world is anchored to him.” the Gman explained, bringing his hands up to press together and sort of… absently walking around the outside of the room. 

“** **It’s his game.** **” Dr. Coomer said, his voice suddenly very. Low. And hollow. Bubby tensed faintly, and reached back, grabbing Dr. Coomers hand to squeeze firmly for a second.. 

“…As it were. I prefer not to. Think of it. In exactly such terms. Life is. What you make of it. ” the Gman said, shrugging genty as he paused in his idle orbit of the room, examining a framed photo of Sunkist (age 1 month). 

“…Okay, okay. I need you two to. Fucking knock it off a second before I get nosebleed or a migraine or something.” Bubby interjected nervously. 

“Oh! Dear, you should put your glasses back on!” Coomer chirped. Bubby let out a sigh of relief at the familiar tone, and let go of Coomers hand to put his glasses back on, adjusting them. 

“…That’s right. When Gordons symptoms started. He thought it was a migraine. I was going to lend him my glasses a moment.” he said frowning again, and reaching out to drink what he’d totally forgotten wasn’t normal coffee anymore. 

“Curious.” the Gman said, his orbit narrowing in around the professors in a dizzy, yet very immersive, kind of way. 

“Come to think of it. It’s weird his HEV suit didn’t react to that.” Bubby added, after he’d recovered from choking on his drink. “I mean, sure Gordon turned it’s voice synthesizers off, but it’d spat out an error code _right_ before he… before it happened. Damndest thing.” he turned back to look at coomer. 

“Do you remember what it said? Everything kind of went to neon evangelion hell right around then so it’s hard to remember much.” he asked him. 

“I certainly do, you forgetful little minx!” Coomer said, walking to the chalkboard to flip it to the blank side, picking up his favored bright green chalk to write-

**WARNING BOSS VALUE NULL ERROR**

The Gman stopped walking, so sharply he actually swayed on his feet, head turning like an owl to stare at the board, eyes… disconcertingly wide. 

“Ooh~! Hot!” Coomer cooed. This time Bubby punched _him_ in the shoulder, watching as the Gman sort of visibly tried to re-human his posing. 

“ _That_. Is not a H.E.V. Suit Error.” the Gman said, cheeks actually red as he stalked to the board, ignoring them both. 

“I know what it is. It is…. _new_. No wonder it causes such an issue…”

“Fascinating! Can you explain?” Dr. Coomer asked, cupping his chin in one hand (and promptly staining his white moustache with the green chalk he was still holding. 

“… _without_ my brain trying to hemorrhage? Even if I won’t die, it sounds really unpleasant.” Bubby asked, wearily considering the rest of his mug. He could swear it was still fizzing. 

“Mmm… Let me…” The Gman reached out for the chalk, hand hesitating a moment. At first he gravitated to the single piece of Boring Ass White chalk, wavered, and then picked up a rather bright shade of strawberry pink. He wrote with a careful, almost eerily precise hand. Like he was following an invisible stencil. 

First, he corrected the written error code. It now read-

**BossValue!Null Error**

“The. Variable. Defines the fateful conflict. The. Train enters a. Switching station. Where four levers, that have had. Weights. Slowly added to them. Which will control where the train. Will go. _Four_. Switches.” the Gman explained, writing as he spoke. 

**BossValue!One= Benry.**

**BossValue!Two= Dr. Bubby**

**BossValue!Three= Dr. Coomer  
**

**BossValue!Four= Tommy Coolatta**

The Gman grimaced as he finished writing his sons name in the strange warning code he had written out, and then turned his head to look back at them, gesturing slightly. 

“One would. Assume. If no switch is fully pulled. Then the Train. Would simply stop. But when. The… train. Was built. No one considered such a thing could. Occur. That it was possible”

“This train sounds like it fucking sucks.” Bubby muttered. Coomer shushed him. 

“Mmm. At. _Any_ rate. Instead. The train must have a switch be thrown. To progress. So. The mindless. System. Decides a switch MUST exist. That will be weighted. A switch Zero.” he underlines the **Null** , carefully. 

“So it seeks. And finds. That the acceleration lever of the train. Is unlabeled. And thus. Is switch zero.” he says, and writes, slowly. 

**BossValue!Null= Gordon Freeman**. 

Bubby feels the urge to take his glasses off in wonderment, but resists it. He was a professional, god damn it. Instead, he pours out his mug of Caffeinated Mistakes into the trash can while neither of them were looking. 

“My god…” Dr. Coomer said softly. 

“So. Does knowing… thaaaaat? Mean we can stabilize him?” Bubby asks, hopefully. 

“As I said; he will. Always be… marked. But I think now that we understand, we can at least. Mitigate. The negative side effects of these… unforeseen consequences.” the Gman said, smiling in maybe-relief. 

“Hoho! I get it!” Coomer said brightly. 

“Ugggghhhh don’t be CUTE about it, i can FEEL a nosebleed starting…” Bubby grumbled, pinching his nose for dramatic effect as he turned, grinning to himself, to get a fresh cup of just like straight coffee beans he was going to absolutely eat raw. 

Gordon would be ok. He’d make sure of it. 


	5. On Loving Humans, Addendum 3: Joshua

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted attached to:[ Part 3 of On Loving Humans](https://goosterbold.tumblr.com/post/620474672005480448/on-loving-humans-written-by-friendlytroll-part)
> 
> Time: Shortly after the Resonance Cascade has happened, and then post poss fight, when Gordon has begun to stabilize.

sips cran-raspberry juice diluted with sparkling water

“I do not think any father looks forward to telling their child...”

\------

"Dr. Freeman, I found your passport!” Bubby called out. 

“Is it in there?” Gordon immediately moves over to check, leaning into the. Deeply wierdly sized locker he’d been given for the project. 

“Hello Gordon!” “It was in your locker, yes.” Coomer and Bubby speak almost directly over each other, but Gordon ignores them, leaning in to grab his passport. He turns it over in his hand and shakes his head, literally throwing it over his shoulder at Benry. 

“Theeerrre we go. Now are you ready to get off my case?? Get off my case while we escape this- fuckin-  _ whatever _ ??” Gordon asks, looking back and snorting immediately as he sees the passport kind of just. Stuck. Flat to Benry’s face, covering one eye as he flatly stared at Gordon. 

“i mean, it’s not like. you know. someone told you to start carrying it  _ weeks _ ago.”

“I know, I know, but l-” 

“like reminded. every day, a _ ll the time. _ ” Benry continued, ignoring him.

“Y-yeah! Benry- um, I remember, cause, cause we were having breakfast, and-” Tommy starts, sort of absently looking up at the ceiling, nervously tapping his foot. 

“It’s very important to keep proper identification, Gordon!” Coomer said brightly. 

“-and, and, we were having pancakes, but, but, with crunchberries, and Benry was um, um, talking about it.” Tommy continued. 

“DO YOU THINK WE MIGHT GET A FUCKING MOVE ON SOMETIME THIS CENTURY.” Bubby all-capsed at them from the other side of the room, leaning against a door with his arms crossed in irritated impatience

“ _ Oh my  _ **_god_ ** _ get off my diiiiiick.”  _ gordon sing-songed at just kind of everyone, turning back to his locker as Benry rolled his eyes and tucked Gordons passport away in his own pocket. 

“...Wait except I think I had crunchberries in mine, and um, um, Benry wanted to put betty crocker fruit gushers in HIS pancakes-” Tommy continued, drifting vaguely over closer to Gordon at the locker, just kinda. Like a cheerful steam roller of a man, conversationally. 

“didn’t even. remember your own glasses.” benry muttered. 

“Dude those are SO uncomfortable in a fucking Hev suit helmet??? They fog up to SHIT, I’m FINE-” 

“youuuu need those to  _ see?? _ maybe you woulda noticed your passport with them on.” Benry retorted immediately, moving to lean against the lockers so he could avoid Gordons attempt to open hand palm his face like a basketball. 

“Yeah, well, problem solved, and totally- should not be a problem! I- oh hey!” Gordon broke off from bickering with him, leaning into his locker as his vague glance to see if anything useful was inside netted him. Like. ONE thing that made him break out into a grin

“Hey! It’s Joshua!” Gordon said brightly, reaching out to pick up the framed photograph he’d took, glancing out at Coomer and Bubby, gesturing at the photo. 

“This is my kid! I have a son- he’s named, uh. Joshie! Ive told you about him, right?” Gordon says, and for just a moment in this whole hell of a fucking work day, he’s genuinely happy. And terrified, but like the internal screaming had been going for a while now. 

“....man thats such a boring photo of him.” Benry mumbles, peering over into the locker.

“Your sons beautiful, Gordon!” Dr. Coomer says brightly. 

“A-and joshies had, Bananas, and  _ mini _ m&ms! And, he even, um, um, told us about a dream he was having.” Tommy says, pulling the end of his story into the station. Then he actually absorbs what’s currently going on for a beat, and smiles. 

“Oh! A-aw, I think, it’s, a cute photo!” Tommy says brightly. 

“Yeah! Besides, when I took this one, he uh, did NOT stand still for a lot of photos when he’s awake. Kid was like, a fucking  _ cryptid _ blurr for a while.” Gordon explains, chuckling a little bit. And then kinda just. Running out of chuckle as he stares down at the photo, mouth tightening in a hard line. 

Behind him, unseen, Bubby idly turns around, and re-loads his gun, in a gesture somewhere between ‘belligerent’ and ‘courteous’. 

A heavy weight settles against his shoulder, jostling him out of his feverish attempt not to let any of the clawing worry and fear deep in his gut sink into his actual. Thoughts. Because if he does that, he’s going to need to lay down on the floor, and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to get back up again. 

But when he glances to the side, he sees Benry looking up at him, chin tucked on Gordon’s shoulder. 

“...i like the ones where you’re in the photo with him better. even if you always make weird faces.” benry says at approximately the volume of a mumble. Gordon lets out a sound somewhere between a choke and a laugh and a rough exhale.. 

“Man that’s just my fucking face.” Gordon weakly retorts, reaching up to wipe his face with his stupid. Metal gloved hand.

“I, I like those ones too!” Tommy says, leaning over gordons other shoulder, reaching over to wipe Gordons face for him, so he wouldn’t drag the sharp metal of his gloves against his skin. 

“Um. Especially since. You guys. Always look the same when you smile!” Tommy adds, getting another weak chuckle out of Gordon.

“...its, like. a boring photo. but. you should take it with you.” Benry suggests, with that kind of soft tone he gets when he’s being sincere about something. Gordon nods a little, rolling his shoulders back as he turns the framed photo around. 

“Yeah, that’s a good idea. Thanks. And uh… sorry about. Forgetting my passport, I guess.” Gordon says, turning his head and reaching up to lift Benry’s helmet, leaning down to kiss his forehead. Then he leans up a bit to kiss Tommys cheek on the other side, cause like. Fairs fair and all. Besides. Like. Months into the relationship, and tommy still giggled whenever he did that. And Benry was hard to read, but that little blush and the way his eyes opened a bit wider? Free serotonin. 

“Ohhhhh. Huh!” Coomer said cheerily, rubbing his chin. 

“What, what?” Bubby snapped, glancing to him. 

“Oh, nothing! Isn’t young love wonderful~?” Coomer said, turning the other way as well, looking up at Bubby with a bright smile. 

“I wouldn’t know.” Bubby snapped, holstering his gun again.

“Oh, now don’t be like that~! I remember what a little firecracker you were then! I’m sure you have SOME fond memories of puppy love.” Dr. Coomer insisted, eyes twinkling up at him. Bubby scowled, an absent fang or two poking out as he glanced away. 

“...I don’t know if I’d call them FOND but… maybe.” he mumbled. 

Back at the locker gordon took a second to regroup between his guys, before he took a deep breath, and shooed them both off, turning his attention to popping the photo out of its frame. He supposed he’d…. store it in the HEV suit, maybe? should he fold it first?

Then, as Tommy and Benry stepped away, he turned the photo over, and tilted his head as he looked at the back of it. 

“Huh.” he said, kind of to himself, looking it over. 

When had he written something there?

“yooo gordo. cmon.” Benry called out, but Gordon didn’t move for a second, reading and re-reading the short note, which was definitely in his handwriting.

“can’t leave joshie waiting, man.” 

“That’s right, Gordon! We’d better get a move on!”

“I’m coming, I’m coming…”

Gordon couldn’t possibly have told anyone how much time it took between then, and when he saw his son again. Even in black mesa it had been disorienting. They’d been underground, and had rested whenever they were tired. But then being in Xen… but then… 

Then… what? Benry had had his meltdown about. Something. They were going to… find, or do, when they got far enough. And then they’d gotten…. far enough. And. 

He blinked slowly, realizing he was laying down on something warm, and familiar. 

“Daddy?” 

Immediately gordon focused. Or tried to. Couch. He was on a couch. That was right. He’d woken up once or twice before. Benry had been- rough? Definitely rough. And Joshie was there, sitting up from…?

A mattress had been dragged out into the living room of Tommys place. Just. Whole-ass dragged, sheets and all. Tommy was asleep, all sprawled out, Benry was… Asleep(?) curled up. Sunkist was curled up against Tommy’s back. And there was Joshie in his cowboy PJs, right between them. 

Gordons heart filled and he opened his mouth to- 

And. He tried again, mouth opening and closing a little. Okay, okay. That sucks. But. Whatever. Because he’s already pulling Joshie in close for a gentle hug, muffling the sound of Joshie bursting into the tears of a very little kid who should  _ not  _ have had to worry like that. But Gordon smiles a little anyways, because he’s  _ there _ . They were all there. 

He could hear Tommy stirring out of sleep and- Gordon peeked one eye open, watching as Benry peeked his eyes open, then shut, not moving at all. 

“...fhgn’. Faker.” he manages to mumble, smiling to himself as Benry’s eyes pop all the way back open, making him laugh a little as he rubs his kids back, Joshua kind of like. Curled up against him at this point. 

“I got you, Joshie..” gordon says softly, voice still. Rough. Distorted? But whatever. It’s enough. It’s enough to talk. 

“G, Gordon! You should, you should be resting.. b-but you’re up! Um, um, are you- sunkist can you get another blanket?” 

The couch springs sag a little as Gordons surrounded on either wise, and Sunkist makes a truly tragic bwoof sound as she’s forced to NOT immediately try to cover her Favorite Wierd Human Puppy in dog saliva to comfort him. She still trots off though, and Gordon wobbles a little to lean against Tommy’s shoulder as he watches Benry softly sing to Joshua, both his guys clearly exhausted but. All dialed in on Joshua. 

He smiles, and closes his eyes a moment, at peace. 

...Even though Joshies voice was legally classifiable as a sound weapon. It still sounded pretty great to him right then. 


	6. Default Boss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time: A few hours before arriving in Xen.

“we should go back.”

Gordon paused to glance back at Benry, quirking his head a little as his hand-gun spun down, steaming slightly from the burst of fire he’d been laying down. For something like the last hour or so of making their way through Black Mesa, Benry had been kind of… lagging behind. Which. Gordon couldn’t exactly fault him for. Even with his hand… “fixed” Gordon had been running on fumes for hours. But benry didn’t really.  _ Get _ tired?

At least. Not in all the time Gordon had known him. Who knew though, maybe every 9 months Benry had to actually sleep. 

“...yea? One sec-” Gordon turned from Benry to the others, who were forging their way up ahead a bit. “Hey see if there’s someplace we can stop a hot minute up ahead? I know we’re close to the teleport… fuckery. Lambda shit. But I think we could use a break. And this thing overheats like a *mother* fucker.” Gordon called ahead. 

He could about just make out Bubby turning back towards them with a ‘fine, fine’ gesture. The dude had calmed down a bit on rushing them forward since- well. Since he’d rejoined the  _ group _ , but he still has that long-legged tall motherfucker walk thing going that tended to result in him taking point a lot. Him and coomer’d had kind of a ‘feral/protective’ thing going for a while. 

“Sure, why not? I’m not looking forward to talking to those snots in lambda lab again anyways.” Bubby snapped back. 

“Oh, wonderful! I do hope we can have a little naptime chat time again! I like that part!” Coomer said cheerfully, giving Gordon a thumbs up as he jogged forward to sling an arm around Bubby’s back. Which. Gordon couldn’t help but notice, was followed by Bubby gently leaning down to meet Coomer halfway. For how terrifying those two could be, they were also pretty god damn cute sometimes. 

He also couldn’t help but notice Tommy, because he’d immediately hesitated, and begun to sort of uncertainty look back and forth between where Bubby and Coomer were exploring, and back towards Gordon. Or. To be more specific, Gordon was pretty sure the tallest glass of soda in Black Mesa had  _ also _ noticed something was up. 

Gordon gestured tommy over, a silent  _ yeah you too _ that made Tommy at least stop nervously hovering, settling properly on drifting back closer to Gordon. And gordon... turned his attention back to Benry. 

He was lingering. Which. Sure it was easier to keep his literal toddler on task following a group then it was to keep Benry from randomly rubber-banding behind and ahead all day (though the same solution- buddy system- worked pretty well for both of them). But this felt… different. 

Benry was still hanging back, kind of. A few steps behind Gordon. His posture wasn’t much different then usual- the crisp On The Job squared shoulders were all there (as opposed to the At Home slouch). And if Gordon didn’t have experience with the dude, you could pretty easily read out everything from boredom, to sarcastic disinterest, to ‘kind of craving a popsicle’ in Benry’s flat stare. 

But Gordon’d already had plenty of time to feel the guy out over the last… what. Year? A couple of months of ‘oh yeah, that guy’, and then… well. Joshie’s infamous daycare escape attempt (which thank GOD was also why he’d moved to off-site daycare, since his house was already off-site anyways). When he’d found the most important person in his life totally chilling out with the goofy gangly-tall scientist he kinda half knew was on the same team as him and That One Oddball Guard. And neither of them minded that Joshie’s only modes were not talking, or yelling your ear off about cowboys. 

...And Benry had grinned when Joshie climbed up to his shoulder. And Tommy had known ASL. And suddenly when he’d seen them he’d stop to talk to them, and it was actually fun and not just work shit. And neither of them had asked why he was a single dad. Or minded if he needed to bail from hanging out for his kid. Or went with him. 

And… things had kind of. Just. Sorta. Happened a way. 

Which was why Gordon knew that even if Tommy said something out of left field, or got stressed about something, it was just because it was on his mind and felt important to him. And even if he was a cheerful, sweet person, he could get hilariously pouty or stubborn, and say, decide to shoot at moths for a while. 

And it was why Gordon watched the way Benry’s eyes kept flicking away from Gordon to look at the floor, and frowning, and fidgeting from side to side just faintly, the same way he’d done when Joshie’d got that one nasty cold (and Gordon had gotten it, like, basically as soon as Joshie was better, and didn’t remember a lot from the fever, but did remember a cool hand on his forehead and the sound of sunkists’ nails on the tile as Tommy did the dishes, and how when he’d woken up late at night he’d been soothed back to bed by soft colors singing to what he was pretty sure Benry would never admit was the moomin theme song). 

( _ And he was going to make it back. They were going to go back with him. They were all going to make it back. _ )

Gordon’s hand slipped gently into Benry’s as he stepped back next to the other man, and he leaned against the wall right by him. Immediately Tommy moved to the other side, keeping an intent eye on their surroundings. 

“Dude. Are you… okay?” Gordon asked, and then paused a split second, wincing at himself. “I mean. Fuckin. Obviously not! Because this is a  _ nightmare.  _ But I mean like. Right now you seem…” and then words fail him immediately, even though usually when he talks words are All he has and trying to pare himself down doesn’t work (because really at his core, his only modes were Deadly Silent or yelling peoples ears off about things. 

“You got me kind of worried, man.” is what he settles on, because it’s true, and tilts his head down to gently coconut-clonk against Benry’s helmet. 

“Yeah- Yeah! Um. If. If you’re tired, we can rest a little… or if you need to be somewhere. Somewhere quiet.” Tommy added, breaking from his disconcertingly intent vigilance to frown in soft concern, looking down at Benry with the kind of unspoken, softly shining sadness he got when there’s a Problem He Can’t Fix. 

“nah i’m. you know. cool.” Benry leaned back against the wall a little, shrugging wide even as his fingers curled firmly against Gordons. He glanced between them a little, uncertain. 

“so fresh and so clean. clean.” he added in a mumble. 

“Dude. Come on, don’t fight me on this. You’ve been… jittery. Which, shit, man, me too! But. Why are you suddenly talking about going  _ back  _ so much?” Gordon asked, trying to be. Patient. 

“....I… um. i mean, your pass… um.” 

“ _ Dude _ . My passport is  _ in your pocket _ .” Gordon said, glancing over Benry’s head at Tommy. 

“right. yeah. yeah...huh.” Benry said, sinking down slightly against the wall. 

“...forgot your glasses tho.” Benry added, tilting his head back to look at Gordon. 

“That- that’s  _ true _ . I, I still think. Your suit should, should have had prescription lenses.” Tommy said, gently using his grip on Benry’s hand to lift him back up onto his feet.

“I’ll be super honest I’d rather they’d made it easier to go to the bathroom in first, I can see fine without them. Benry, my glasses are like.  _ Multiple days _ back in Black Mesa. Directly away from any exits?? And through, like, I am  _ pretty  _ sure a couple of tunnels that collapsed, man.” Okay Gordon knew he’d slipped into ranting but he just. It was. REALLY hard to get him this time. Which. Usually meant he was missing something. 

“i mean… eyestrains. super bad for you. its not on me if you get. bad retinas.” Benry mumbled, in that annoyed tone of voice that made it really, really easy to veer off into * _ why the fuck are you mad at me for not wearing my glasses _ *??

But. 

But Benry was slouched down so hard his helmet was touching his shoulders. And this was Gordon’s  _ guy _ . No matter how fucking. Tired and raw he was, he had to try.He took a deep breath.

“Um. Benry, if… we can get  _ home _ , then we can get. Gordon’s other pair of glasses! He, he has his spares at my house.” Tommy suggested brightly. Benry made a vague mumbling sound in return. Didn’t sound like that fixed it. 

Okay. Benry wanted to go back. But it being about the glasses made no sense. So then. It wasn’t about the glasses. Jesus, Gordon really did need to lay the hell down, this felt like struggling to solve an emotional 2+2. He wanted to sleep for a week. He wanted to be  _ home _ . 

Gordon let himself slide all the way down the wall before he even realized he was doing it, sitting as exhaustion pooled over him. 

“...Benry? What’s so bad about going forward, man?” he asked quietly. For a moment it was silent. Then Gordon heard and felt more then he  _ saw _ Benry sit down next to him. Just a shift and clunk of his body armor scraping against the wall, and a warm press against Gordons side. He could only hear the rustle of Tommy settling down, all labcoat and the thunk of his osha-recommended steel toe boots hitting the floor as he stretched his long legs out. 

Holding still made it too easy to feel every ache he had in him. But he could also feel Benry leaning against Tommy, and he could rest against Benry, and that was good enough. 

“it’s not. gonna. sound right.” Benry said after a second. 

“That- that’s okay! Um. Lots of things are… lots. Lots of ways. Right now.” Tommy said patiently. 

“Yeah shit is. Kind of wild right now. And we trust you.” Gordon said, turning his head so he wasn’t mumbling against benry’s. Stupid armor. Why did the security dudes have less protective shit then he did, anyways? He’d have liked it if benry’d dropped. Less. Or whatever had been happening. Which he wasn’t pressing about because… Benry was just. How he was. 

Which was why Benry being. Wigged out. Probably was worth paying attention to even besides comforting his boyfriend reasons. 

Though he had to focus on not. Falling the hell asleep while waiting for Benry to gather his thoughts. 

“...do you guys remember. the sesame street book Joshie likes?” 

That woke Gordon up. Partially because What? And also because  _ Joshie they were going to get out going to find joshie _ . 

“Uhhhh….” Gordon answered, searching his memory. 

“The, the one where. Ernie has a KITTEN?” Tommy asked, perking up a little. 

“Man that’s been in like. C-grade rotation for a *while*...” Gordon mutters. Getting Joshie to bed could be. Tricky. Sometimes Gordon got so tired it made him restless, and it always hurt to see his littlest dude clearly struggling with the same thing. Sometimes his bedtime books backfired and riled him up. Like- 

“Wait, wait… I know what you mean!” Gordon said, memory finally sparking. “The.  _ Grover _ one. He loves doing that one with you cause you get all into it.” he grinned as he remembered. It’d caught him off guard the first time he’d listened in on it. Somehow he hadn’t expected Benry to put so much energy into something like that. 

“Oh, oh yeah! Um. Where Grover's all, all… all scared, because, um-”

“cause there’s a monster at the end of the book.” Benry said, quiet, and almost. Stiff. His posture was definitely stiff. Like every muscle was tensed to try to hold himself up. Gordon glanced at him, and blinked. For a moment, Benry was tucked under his helmet so that it just looked like. Darkness. And his eyes. 

Because. Of. Probably. The lighting?

“R-right! But, it turns out, he didn’t have… anything to be worried about. Because, it’s-  _ grover _ ’s the, he’s the monster! Only he- he’s um. He’s nice! And. Also. Himself. Because, it’s, silly to be scared of yourself.” Tommy said happily. And as Gordon watched, it got. Increasingly. harder, and harder. To ignore that benry’s wide open eyes were visible even when the shitty hall light flickered off, and in fact if he looked close enough he was pretty sure he could see bands of light highlighting the curve of Benry’s vest coming from the wrong direction.    
  
Gordon took a quiet, deep breath, lifted his hand up, and firmly yanked Benry’s helmet off, thunking it on the floor. 

And the shadows over Benry’s face didn’t. Move. Even as his hair- which was the kind of shaggy-curly-bristly and permanently helmet-hair’d that made it kind of hard to tell how long it was- fluffed back out without the helmets presence. The shadows were just kind of. There. Laying over Benry’s skin like some strange mask, the curves of his face not even showing up when the hall light flickered back on. 

But it did at least make Benry blink a little. Which. Kind of. Made Gordon feel… betterrrrrr? Maybe? Helmet off was definitely better, though. 

“...ruUude.” benry mumbled, eyes narrowing slightly in the impossible shadow. 

Gordon wasn’t sure he’d ever seen him this bad.

“Dude. You’ve been wearing that helmet for like, twelve fucking hours, it’s probably giving you a headache.” Gordon bullshitted, slipping his arm around Benry’s back to rest against it while feverishly trying to picture turning a safety ‘on’. To his relief benry wasn’t slipping right back to the big, open-too-wide eyes look again. 

“That- that’s true! Your uniforms are, are both. Really uncomfy looking, honestly.” Tommy asserted, reaching up to gently fluff Benry’s hair, capturing stray curls to untangle just a little bit. 

“Oh my god dude I’ve basically been baking in here like a ham. You have to wear this like. Literally fucking long johns. Like an old timey. Full body suit? I'm gonna take a can opener to this thing the second we’re out of here, I swear to god.” Gordon whined

“...hmm. it's. kinda a lil heavy. s’ protocol to wear it tho…” Benry said, relaxing, slightly, inch by inch. Settling back against them. 

“Well, you. Don’t have to wear it on breaks! And, right now, we’re on break” Tommy suggested. Which was smart, because it worked *with* Benry’s problem. 

“...also just literally nobody is around who’d care right now, dude.” Gordon added, because he could not physically stop himself sometimes. 

“i care though.” Benry said, and Gordon winced softly to himself because yeah no duh. 

“I mean, if you wanted to or- ugh don’t listen to me, man, I’m like. Not even super sure how I’m still talking. I’m fully down to stream of consciousness now” Gordon said, quickly, squeezing his arm tighter around Benry. 

“...security guards. help people. if they don’t get hurt first. cause… if you get shot, you have to. defend yourself. but. i can help people.” Benry continued, not really in response to Gordon, exactly. His head lowered a little, a few strands of hair falling over the shadows that were only just starting to shift a bit- enough so that the next time Benry opened his mouth to speak, Gordon could make out the lines of his fangs. 

“i don’t wanna hurt you guys.” Benry said, in a voice as quiet, and soft, 

Gordon turned completely to the side to wrap both his arms around Benry. Tommy had twisted around the same way, and glanced up at Gordon for just a second as they held onto him together. 

“You’re not gonna.” Gordon said firmly. Because it was true. It was going to be true.  _ Because they were going to get out. Together. Out. Together. Home. There was a photo in his inventory. And he was going to get back. And he was going to bring home with him.  _

“You’re not going to be the monster at the end of this book, Benry.” he said quietly, watching as just past the fluffy mess of hair, drops of water hit the ground from what he was prepared to pretend, because he loved Benry enough to know he hated admitting he was crying, was definitely just leaky pipes or something. 

It wasn’t the last time Benry was going to fall apart, just a little, before they made it to the end. But right then, and there, when Benry lifted his head back up with red rimmed eyes and a face Gordon could properly see again, it had felt like enough that Gordon could keep walking. At least long enough- with Benry’s helmet tucked under his arm, and Benry still leaned between him and Tommy- to make it to the side room Benry and Coomer had uh. Enthusiastically scouted, judging by the impact dents in the wall. 

And they could rest enough to keep going forward. 


End file.
